Gratitude

I feel like I need to spill my guts! Testimony meeting isn't for two more weeks so this will have to do.  I have felt so blessed this last two weeks! One year and two weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant with Julia. I was a little (okay quite) upset about the news. I felt overwhelmed and guilty for feeling overwhelmed because I have so many friends that can't get pregnant or its so hard for them to get pregnant.  I spent hours on my knees crying and asking why...(if you can't guess...I'm a control freak and having kids a year apart was not in the plan). I worried what other people would say. What kind of remarks would have to listen to? Life just seemed so unfair. For weeks I refused to look our bishop square in the eyes because I was afraid he would seem my troubled heart. I again then would feel guilty because other people had such bigger problems then I did and it seemed that they were handling it much  better than me.  I finally accepted what was happening and resolved to handle it the best I could and to pray for strength. So I did...every day! Strength to handle the nausea and the hormones. Strength to not yell at my boys every single day. Strength to accept this blessing the Lord was giving us.

Answers to my prayers came through loving friends and family who would call me and cry with me and give me encouragement.  Relative good health throughout my pregnancy and  kind ward members who would take Matthew as often as they could and gave me encouragement through their own tales of close pregnancies. Realization that I don't have to do it alone and that it is not a weakness to ask for help. (Thanks to my visiting teachers and friends that helped keep my house clean!)

  And most of all the hymn "How Firm a Foundation" 

Third Versus: 

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.


This song would come into my head every time I started feeling discouraged or that I couldn't go on.

A year later I can say how thankful I am for the experiences that I had the last year.  I have been so blessed. Julia is the perfect baby and completes our family. I couldn't imagine our family without her.  I am so happy and thankful to a loving Heavenly Father that knows better than I do! I am so thankful for the lessons that I have learned this year.  Everything is as it should be and I can do all things that I am asked to do if I am willingly to trust in my Father.